There's an old joke about answering a challenge made by saying "hold my beer". While I am not a beer drinker, I have come to appreciate that saying on a new level.
A year ago, I had to stop substitute teaching for my health. My legs were weak. My hands felt weird. The last straw was when I woke up one morning and almost fainted on the way to the laundry room. So my husband got me in to see a doctor. They did tests, treated the immediate symptoms, sent me on my way. When I followed up a few days later with my own doctor, he repeated their tests, did a few of his own, ordered an MRI. I got a call from his office saying to go to the pharmacy to pick up meds, then report to the hospital, where they would be expecting me. This lead to my first 'hold my beer' moment. The pharmacy somehow didn't get the communication from my doctor and treated me like a drug-seeking hysterical woman. So I walked out of the pharmacy and reported for the MRI. The meds were supposed to help me tolerate the test, as I get very claustrophobic. Since I didn't have that help, I took a small purple keychain my kids had given me and squeezed that like a stress ball.
After that, we had no information. We knew something was very wrong, and we were praying for healing and answers. My family watched me struggle and gave me tremendous support for a couple more weeks while we waited for test results to be shared with us. When we returned to hear those test results, we got more uncertainty. My doctor had no idea what was happening or why my legs were deteriorating so quickly. Then, just after Thanksgiving, we finally had the answer we had been waiting for. I went for another, more thorough MRI and they found herniated discs and spinal cord damage in my neck. This led to my second 'hold my beer' moment.
Upon returning home from the second MRI, I had a call from my doctor telling me to head up to a bigger hospital in a neighboring city. He told me I would be having surgery on my neck, and that the surgeon would be meeting us there to explain everything. The surgeon explained to us what was happening and said he had only seen two or three patients still walking with that level of damage. The surgical procedure triggered a heart problem that complicated things during recovery and brought another 'hold my beer' moment.
I know that I annoyed the hospital staff and was not the best patient. Because all of this had happened when I had six illustrations left to finish creating my next book. I had a very patient employer waiting for me to return to work. I had students who needed to hear from 'the author'. At a couple of schools where I frequently subbed, that was how the students knew me. Most importantly, I had a family who needed me home, being the wife and mom again. I reminded anyone who would listen at that hospital that I needed to get back to all of that. They smiled, listened, and politely reminded me that those people in my life needed me to be healthy first.
Well along with the 'hold my beer' moments were lessons in humility and patience. Like going to my daughter's school concert and feeling like I'd run a marathon after it. But there was no way I would have missed that performance. My husband went above and beyond in caring for me during my recovery. Going to his company holiday party was a bit of a production for us, too. Needing help with the simplest of tasks was definitely a lesson in humility. Then just as I was about to attempt returning to teaching, Covid-19 hit and kept all of us home. Looking back, I needed that extra time to get more strength back.
I think the biggest 'hold my beer' moment came in two parts. I was able to launch not one new book this past year, but two. I finished the first of these while recovering from that surgery. I worked on the second one while in quarantine, and just recently finished it. Being able to hold the colored pencils I use in my drawings had been impossible before the surgery. I can't work on illustrations at the same pace I did before, but I pay more attention to them now. I still have recovering to do, and parts of my life to regain. But this whole experience taught me to be patient with myself and others. It reminded me to trust God's plan for me, and His timeline. I have learned to appreciate the small victories because they don't feel small in the moment. They also lead to bigger victories. I have been reminded that there is no shame in asking for help when it is warranted - something that I have said to my kids for years, but what a lesson in humility to need to do it myself. And I will continue to meet challenges that present themselves to me along this journey with the can-do attitude of 'hold my beer'.
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